In the workplace, having a genuine desire to be liked and to ensure everyone is happy might seem like a strength, especially for those managing a team. Yet, when this desire crosses the line into people-pleasing behaviour, it can lead to numerous challenges, preventing you from becoming the effective leader you’re meant to be.

What Does It Mean to Be a People Pleaser?

People pleasers are individuals who have a strong need to satisfy others, often prioritising others' needs and approval above their own. They are typically conflict-averse and may make decisions based on what will make others happy rather than on what is objectively best for the situation. While having empathy and showing consideration are critical leadership qualities, constantly putting others’ happiness first can be damaging.

The Problem with People Pleasing in Management

1. Compromised Decision-Making As a manager, you are often faced with difficult decisions that may not always align with what people want to hear. People pleasers, however, may find themselves bending under the pressure of making popular rather than necessary decisions. This can result in delays, compromises that impact the company’s performance, or inconsistency in leadership. Good managers need to make decisions that align with strategic goals, even if they are unpopular, to steer the team and organisation in the right direction.
2. Inconsistent Standards and Expectations A core component of effective management is setting clear and consistent standards for your team. People pleasers, however, may find themselves lowering these standards to avoid conflict or to be liked. They might hesitate to enforce rules or provide constructive feedback because they fear upsetting someone. Over time, this can lead to confusion and a lack of accountability, diminishing team performance. High-performing teams thrive on a balance of support and high expectations, both of which can suffer when a manager prioritises being liked.
3. Difficulty in Providing Honest Feedback Feedback is a crucial part of growth for both individuals and teams. However, for people pleasers, giving constructive or negative feedback can be particularly challenging. This reluctance often stems from a fear of making others feel uncomfortable or damaging relationships. Yet, avoiding these difficult conversations can stifle team members' development and create an environment where issues go unresolved. Great managers are honest and clear, understanding that constructive feedback, even when tough to deliver, ultimately fosters growth and improvement.
4. Burnout and Resentment People pleasers often overextend themselves, taking on too much to ensure others are happy or comfortable. In a managerial role, this can lead to burnout as the emotional and physical toll of meeting everyone’s expectations adds up. Worse, if you constantly prioritise others’ needs over your own or your responsibilities, you may begin to feel unappreciated and resentful, which can impact your overall effectiveness and well-being. Burnout not only affects your own health but also the energy and focus you bring to your team.
5. Eroded Authority and Respect While being approachable and considerate are essential traits of a good manager, trying too hard to be liked can actually undermine your authority. People want to feel heard and understood, but they also want a leader who can confidently steer the ship, even when the waters are rough. If team members sense that you avoid difficult decisions or waver too often, they may lose respect for your leadership abilities. Balancing empathy with decisiveness helps establish you as both a fair and respected authority figure.

Striking the Right Balance

To grow beyond people-pleasing tendencies, it’s essential to recognise that being liked and being effective aren’t mutually exclusive. You can be empathetic and supportive while still maintaining strong boundaries and a focus on your team's needs and goals. Setting clear expectations, practicing assertive communication, and being willing to have tough but necessary conversations can help shift your leadership style to one that inspires respect and drives results.

Ultimately, being a great manager doesn’t mean making everyone happy all the time. It means being someone who can be trusted to make the right decisions, provide genuine support, and foster an environment where everyone can do their best work. By stepping away from people-pleasing tendencies, you free yourself to become the strong, effective leader your team truly needs